What Am I Missing ?

I think my days here are really lifeless. As i read my japan's journals again, i thought of how colorful my life was. Lots of traveling, more friends and definitely learned unique cultures, it was so lively ! Yes, i DO love america, i DO like variety of people here, I DO like how open-minded people are, etc..then what am i missing ??

I think the biggest problem is i have not enough friends, no close friends, no hang-out friends. I mean i do know some Indonesian friends but since all of us have no same off days, we hardly can hangout together, not to mention that i personally do not feel really like hangingout with my own people ( well, in this case, i think this is MY problem, huh ? )

A church is definitely not my thing, also forget about clubs and community activities, they are not appealed to me. I like going to bookstores and gym here, but mostly because i can read or exercise on my own. At gym, i usually do not approach other people or have a chitchat. I am very serious, just do what i have to do and leave.

But i miss girls'talks, i miss windowshoppings with gals, i miss phonecalls with friends. Yes, i still talk with my Indonesian friends...via IM or ICQ, but honestly i miss that face-to-face conversation.

OF course, now with SB, days are better. I talk to him almost everything. But then there were times i asked myself : " do i really like him or i just like being with him because he's the closest person i can talk to ?" So on certain days, i tested my own feeling and it turns out that i DO like him..:P
Because of his working hours, we usually hang out only on saturdays and that only for a few hours. We eat and go to bar, or sometimes do windowshopping and movies. I wanted to complain at the very first few months , but now i am so used to it that i started to think it is normal.
So far, i've met only one of his brothers and one of his good friends. I wish he could introduce me more to his surroundings..or is it too early to ask ? *sigh*

My relationship with my coworker is so fine that we joke all the time, sometimes we'd go for dinner or pizza. But i need more friends outside work ! Hope that once i start the course, i'll make more friends.

Am i just bored ?

Now, i'd better post something positve. Last week, me and ua talked about opening a small restaurant when i go back. At least now i have a future plan. First thing first is i need to save at least $15.000 for a start within a year. Hmm, this is really hard. In this case, i need a second job or other way is i need to stay for another year. I am pretty excited about our plan ( meaning i am about to make my dream comes true )..been telling myself i have to do good in my course..:P

The reason that i decided to make this future plan is because i never stay long in one place. Coming to america was my dream, and unless i get a better job and my relationship with SB ( or someone else ) is going somewhere, i'd go back for sure.
Only God knows what will happen.